A very mixed weekend

The visit with the Chicago kids was really nice! It was so good to see them all, again. I wish they could have stayed longer, but it was a good weekend.

The bad things started after the boys left to go home. Hannah had two MAJOR rages yesterday. I don't feel like going into a lot of detail because I am just too upset, but let's just say that even though Mike, Jack and Steven were trying to hold Hannah down, I am sporting at least 10 fairly large bruises this morning. Steven called the police during the second rage, so that was fun. I don't blame him for doing it, she has never been out of control at this level before. For some reason the paramedics also came, I guess he must have told them that she was punching and kicking me. Of course, she calmed down less than a minute before the police walked in the door. The paramedics checked her out and she had a normal pulse and blood pressure. He should have checked the VICTIM'S blood pressures, as I'm sure mine, Mike's, Jack's and Steven's was through the roof!

I'm really dreading her getting home from school, which will be in about 10 minutes. I hope she is calm, but I'm not going to hold my breath. When I was driving Steven to work today, he told me he was worried about what would happen if she rages when he and Dad aren't there to help. He advised me to let her do whatever she wants so she won't rage! I know that I have posted mainly negative things about Steven, but he acted really mature and was a huge help this weekend. I'm proud of him for that! One of the police officers who came yesterday knows our family from previous contacts with him about Steven. He told us that he has seen Steven around town several times and that Steven has always been behaving. Our neighborhood police seem to really be involved with the teens in the area and they try to make a lot of contact with them in positive situations.

I'm Back!

I haven't been posting for the past few days just because I didn't feel like it. I actually had a few bad days, pain-wise, and I was pretty discouraged. The last two days have been better.

Hannah had a pretty big rage on Saturday and a HUGE one on Sunday. Part of my pain setback was due to the bruises I received during her rage, on my arms and legs. I have never had bruises that were so painful and hope to never have them again. I had to take Ibuprofen around the clock for 5 days, just to cut the pain from the bruises. Jack and Mike were also kicked and punched, but aside from one big bruise on Mike's leg, they emerged pretty much injury free. I don't feel like going into details about the rages, too depressing.

Hannah is now grounded for a week and she is having a fit because she is invited to a sleep-over birthday party for one of her friends on Saturday and she can't go. I hope that doesn't cause another rage. She was a witch with a capital B on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, but was a bit better behaved to day.

Hurricane Hannah

No, I didn't spell Hannah wrong! Hurricane Hanna is heading towards us and expected to hit us this weekend. Hurricane Hannah is a Category 5 and is already here! Our Hurricane Hannah bursts through the door after school and wakes in the morning with an attitude that can only be described in one word and that word begins with a B and ends in a chy. I'm hoping and praying that this will be a short-lived storm.

I'm not sure if it is PMS or the adjustment to a new school and school year or both, but she is in rare form this week. But what do I know anyway? I'm "fat, stupid and ugly", and I "don't know anything about fashion and middle school" because I am "soooooooooooo stupid" and I need to "mind my own business".

Another mini-meltdown

Well, today started off fairly smoothly. I had a PT appointment in the afternoon and I was almost ready to go when I heard screaming from the family room. It was Hannah yelling something and Shauna screaming, "Stop, you're hurting me! Owww! Hannah, stoooooop!", over and over again. Since I can't move quickly, there wasn't a whole lot I could do. Then Shauna managed to break away and came running in my room, screaming in pain. It turned out that Hannah had somehow found a perfume that they both thought belonged to them. Shauna told Hannah that she couldn't use it and Hannah said she could and she grabbed Shauna's hand around the finger area and was squeezing as hard as she could. Shauna must have told her to stop at least 10 times and made it very clear that Hannah was hurting her. Hannah finally came in my room after I called her three times on the phone and she kept hanging up on me. I asked each one what had happened and both girls had the same story. Hannah, however, felt that she was justified in what she did because Shauna pinched her. I asked her why Shauna pinched her and she said, "Because I was squeezing her hand and she wanted me to stop." So I said, "Well, if you were hurting her and she was trying to get you to stop, that is called self defense and that is allowed." I explained several times, but Hannah just couldn't "get it". She was convinced that she was in the right. I told her that she was going to get a consequence for the physical violence and she yelled "Whatever" as she headed toward my bedroom door to leave. Of course, she couldn't leave it at that and she was furious with me, so she grabbed an expensive, handmade porcelain doll that I had on my dresser and she threw it across the room at me. It missed me, but hit the wood on the side of my bed frame and broke the face. I was heartbroken because I absolutely love that doll.

I remember the day I got the doll in September of 1997. I was at a local craft fair with my friend, Debbie and I had Hannah in the stroller. We came upon a booth of handcrafted porcelain dolls.
They were beautiful and extremely well done. There was an African American baby girl doll, sucking her thumb that looked so much like Hannah that I had to have it. The price was really high, I think close to $200 and I really have never spent that much money on anything like that in my life, but it looked so much like Hannah that I couldn't resist. I ended up putting it on layaway and paying it off over a few months. I truly loved that doll because to me it represented the incredible love that I had for my first daughter.

I am going to talk to Hannah alone tonight and let her know just how much what she did hurt me. I don't want to make her feel bad, but she needs to realize that when she doesn't control herself, it can really physically or emotionally hurt someone. I know she will understand me, but when she gets into one of her rages, all of the little bit of logic that she actually has retained, goes straight out the window.

Well, that went well. As I was finishing up that last sentence, she came in my room and I told her I wanted to talk about the doll. She ran for the door and I told her to get back in here and she screamed, "No, it will just make me mad, I'm not talking about it". I guess I will have to wait until tomorrow to try again, but she WILL talk about it, whether she wants to or not.

Mini-Meltdowns

Last night, Mike sent Hannah into my bedroom to take her medicine. She came in crying, saying she didn't understand why she had to take medicine and none of her friends did, etc. I hugged her and told her that I understood why she feels that way, but she still had to take the meds. I explained that a part of her brain didn't work right and the medicine makes it work the way it is supposed to. At first it seemed like she was going to take it, but all of a sudden her mood switched from sobbing to anger and she started yelling at me and refusing to take the medicine. She then left the room without taking it, even though I told her that if she didn't take it last night, she would be grounded today.

So this morning she came in my room and asked if she could go to her friend's house. I said, no because you are grounded today because you didn't take your medicine last night. For the next 15 minutes, she cried, screamed, and basically bugged me over and over to let her go out. She threatened to break my leg and I thought she was going to get violent, but the most she did was gently push my good leg. I could tell she wanted to kick me, but controlled herself, which is a great thing. She finally calmed down a bit and I told her that if she took a small portion of her meds and didn't tantrum for the rest of the day, she could go out for two hours at 4:00. She agreed, took the meds with no problem and went on her way. I don't ever like to shorten a consequence, but Hannah has a very warped sense of time and a whole day seems like several days to her, so I think making her stay in until 4:00 is enough to make her reconsider not taking meds at night. I did tell her that if she refuses the meds again, the grounding would not be shortened for any reason.

I'm sure the mood swings were caused by me because I told her she didn't have to take her meds last Saturday night because she went to a sleepover with all the girls from the neighborhood and I know it embarrasses her to take meds in front of them and they ask all sorts of questions. She can't take them before the sleepover because she can't stay awake for than 20 minutes or so after she takes them. It's amazing how not taking them just one day makes such a difference. Well, looking on the bright side, at least I know the meds are really working!

Steven's Job

Well, he has been working at a local restaurant for a little over 3 weeks now, full time. He still loves it, which is great! The first day he washed dishes and since then they have had him cutting food, preparing salads, peeling potatoes, etc. He has been coming home and giving me advice on how to cut and cook!

Yesterday, he came home from work and told me that he really loves working in the restaurant and is thinking that if he continues to like it, he might go to community college to get his Associates degree and then go to culinary school. WOW! What a change from the kid, who three weeks ago, was only interesting in getting high or drunk as much as possible.

I know, from lots and lots of experience, not to get my hopes up too high. This could all change in a heartbeat and he will quit the job and go back to his usual ways. I know that, but I can't help but hope that this will be the time he truly changes. It would be so wonderful for him to find something he truly loves and have him follow through with it. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed and praying that this works out well for him.

When I am feeling better and can start cooking again, I'm going to see if he would like to help me out a little, maybe even teach me a few things!

Oh, I forgot about this, Chef let him cook burgers for himself and one of the other workers and
Steven said when he flipped the burger, it broke and Chef told him not to worry that he would learn with practice. That seemed to help raise Steven's confidence.

He also, very sweetly, brought me home a bacon cheeseburger a couple of days ago! He isn't usually thoughtful, so this was really special!

I forgot I knew that

Now to the missing Hannah story. I wasn't really worried about her being missing because she only goes to one of her three friend's houses when she disappears, all within a couple of blocks of our house. I just realized today, though, that I ran off to the vet and left Shauna home alone. She didn't want to go to the vet with us, she was too afraid the dog would die, I think, and insisted on staying home. She is 10 going on 25 and more than capable on staying home by herself for a short time, but I would have been a little nervous about it, had I realized she was alone!

Anyway, back to the real story. When we got back from the vet, Hannah was home and I took her into my bedroom for a talk. I asked why she had gone out when she was grounded. She said that she was sorry, but she only went out to go jogging and she didn't know she couldn't do that when she was grounded. It is true that in the past I have let her go out jogging once in a while because she gets so hyper when she doesn't exercise. So I said well you know that leaving the house without permission is not allowed, so what about that. She said, with all sincerity, "I knew that was a rule, but I forgot I knew that." Wow, that just screams FAS to me! I have to admit that even with all the research I've done on FAS, the fact that these kids can actually forget a rule just like that, even though they've been told a thousand times, was hard for me to grasp. It wasn't until I recently started reading the blogs of other foster/adoptive parents with kids with FAS, who are doing the same thing, that it really hit home for me. This also was the first time that Hannah phrased it like that. She usually just says "I forgot", which always strikes me as just an excuse. I'm impressed that she realized that she did now the rule, but forgot that. Since she was honest with me and didn't scream or yell, I only gave her an extra chore as punishment and didn't add to her grounding. Today, she asked if she could go jogging!

Round Two

After spending a lovely late morning and early afternoon with Hannah, shopping for paint for Alex's room and looking for paint samples for her room, she had another meltdown. She already knew that she was grounded from going to Busch Gardens today with Alex and a bunch of their friends. When we got home from Home Depot, we had about 45 minutes before we had to leave again to pick up some stuff for Alex's new room from a freecycler, pick Alex up from Wizard of Oz practice and take him to Busch Gardens to meet his friends. She started in on me about 5 minutes after we arrived home. "Am I going to be able to go to Busch Gardens?" "No." "Am I going to be able to go to Busch Gardens?" "No.", etc., etc. etc. You get the picture. Then it turned into a tantrum. She was sitting on the stairs, nagging me and suddenly we heard large items being thrown across a room. It sounded like they were coming from Alex's room. Great, it turned out she threw a can of oil base primer several times. The can was dented all over, the handle was coming off and dented and it finally spilled all over the floor. The can also hit the newly primed wall in one spot and left a huge dent in it. She also pushed over a huge, $700 guitar amplifier that belongs to Drew. We had a drop cloth on it and were using it for a painting supply station. Ceiling fan blades, chairs and painting tools were also thrown everywhere. The damage was minor, considering the sound that was coming from the room. I thought it was going to have to be gutted!

Mike was mad at me because I wouldn't let him go up there and try to stop her. Been there, done that and it doesn't work. It just escalates her and that is the last thing we needed. When she was done trashing the room, she came onto the stairs and was demanding that I talk to her. I told her that I would when she calmed down. She screamed hysterically at me that she was calm. I got her second dose of abilify and brought it to her and told her that if she took it and went in her room to calm down for a while, that I would talk to her about it, but that did not mean she was going to Busch. She took the pill and went to her room, shockingly.

Oil based primer spill

The smashed can

The tipped over amp, chairs and thrown fan blades

Then it was time to leave for the freecycler's house, so I took her with me. On the way, she asked me if she could go to Busch. I asked her what she would do if her daughter had acted the way she did, would she let her go? She said, no she probably wouldn't. So I told her she was going to be a very good mother some day because that is what any good mother would say. Then she said, "Am I going to Busch?" Duh! I calmly said, "No, you aren't going to Busch, Hannah." She then gave up, shockingly, again. The abilify must have taken effect by then.

When we got to Busch to drop Alex off, she said, "Bye, Mom", but made no attempt to exit the car. She behaved just fine when we got home, she even helped me finish painting the trim in Alex's room.

Steven

Steven asked to spend the night last night. I said he could and he came home around 11 pm. He smelled so awful, a combination of BO and cigarette smoke, yuck. He refused to shower and slept on the couch so I will have to fumigate it! Last time I checked, he was on his way to the shower, finally!

He was polite enough last night, but his eyes were really red. Was he high? I don't know, I can't tell anymore. Since he refused to take the bipolar meds, he seems high all the time.

911 Fun

Well, I had just finished up the last blog and I was turning the computer off. Hannah knocked on the door, which Jack had locked so she couldn't come in and hit me again. She told me that I had a phone call. I was greeted by a 911 dispatcher who told me that he had gotten a call from our house and wanted to make sure everything was okay. I told him that it must have been my daughter who was mad at me for grounding her. Okay, does this make sense, she calls 911 on me when she was the only one doing any hitting????? Anyway, I have to confirm my name, address and phone number and then he asks again, am I SURE everything is okay. No, it wasn't okay, but I didn't need the police!

I figured that they might send an officer to the house, just to make sure, so I ran downstairs to try to make the entryway presentable. They never did show up, but at least the dirty laundry is out of the foyer and back in the laundry room.

And to think this day actually started out peacefully! I had such high hopes, silly me.

Another Rage

Well, Hannah lasted one month and one day without a major rage. Today she got home from a sleep-over at 1:45 and was having a meltdown by 3:15. She had just taken her afternoon dose of abilify, but it hadn't had time to work yet.

She was mad at me because I told her she couldn't go to her friend's house and had to stay in the neighborhood today. She freaked out when she tried to talk me into it and I stuck to my guns with the no. She raised an empty plastic laundry basket over her head and brought it down on me several times, then tried to throw it at Shauna, but missed. She then tried to break the dog gate (which she does every rage, that thing has been glued together at least 10 times). I put myself between Hannah and the gate and she started slapping me uncontrollably. She must have hit me at least 15 or 20 times. She tried to kick a couple of times, but I was able to get away. Luckily, she was slapping not punching this time, so although my arms are stinging like crazy, I don't think she will have left any bruises this time.

She just came in while I was typing this and apologized. At first, she was calm and nice. I said thank you for the apology, but you do realize that you now have a grounding. She said yes, just for today, right. I said no, we already discussed that hurting people gets you at least a week of grounding. She started to get angry and I ignored her.

OUCH! She was sitting across the room (not able to see what I was typing) and she came up behind me and punched me as hard as she could in the upper arm. I said what was that for and she said for not letting her go to Busch Gardens. She had planned a trip to Busch Gardens for tomorrow with a bunch of friends.

Apparently sleep-overs are not a good idea. Alex just came in and told me that Shauna told him that Hannah didn't take her meds last night at the sleepover. She was supposed to take them in front of her friend's dad. I will be seeing him on Tuesday and I will ask him if she did. Shauna doesn't want me to say anything to Hannah because she is afraid Hannah will beat her up. Can't blame her for that, as I sit here with my aching arm. If I get confirmation from Scott that she didn't take her meds, I can talk to Hannah about it without getting Shauna in trouble.

Rages

Hannah hasn't had a rage since June 11th. That was the one where I took her to the emergency room because she was beating the heck out of me and I didn't know what else to do. Jack tried to hold her and keep her off me, but she is way stronger than all of us put together when she rages. Anyway, two days after that rage, the doctor added abilify to her meds and she has been doing much better. She has actually been sweet to me a few times!

The last couple of days, she has been a little "on edge". Today she got mad because I talked to her about leaving the house without permission and not doing her daily chores first. She hit Alex, even though it was me she really wanted to hit, and then called me a bitch. Then about 15 minutes later, she hit Shauna. She only hit each of them one time, which is a huge improvement over what has happened in the past. She didn't throw or break anything, either. She removed herself to her room to calm down and I brought a dose of the abilify up there, which she took without too much arguing. When she came out of her room, she was pretty calm. Let's hope she stays that way for the rest of the night at least!