"Fun" Afternoon

I worked this morning and had an absolutely lovely day, taking L to play group. The morning went by really quickly and before I knew it, I was already home. Hannah had an appointment with her psychologist this afternoon. She actually came home on time, after several friendly reminders. Once she got home, she ran upstairs, saying she just had to change her shirt and would be right back down. Ten minutes later, when I told her we absolutely had to leave, she started to rage about not being able to find her shoe. I couldn't understand most of what she said because she was screaming and the dog started freaking out, as usual. Something about the shoe missing and that I should just go without her because if she only has one shoe, she can't go. I told her to put on the shoes that she had worn when she was out with friends today. She screamed some sort of reply, none of which I could hear or understand between the dog barking hysterically and Hannah's word vomit.

When she has refused to go to the doctor in the past, I have gone by myself. This time, however, she was so close to a full blown rage that I decided being that far away from home just wasn't a good idea. Instead, I went to the car and locked myself in. I texted Hannah and told her that if she chose not to go to the doctor, I was going to turn her texting off. She already has voice calls turned off all the time. She still refused to go, so I drove away from the house and had Jack turn off her texting for me. I stayed away for about a half hour and when I got home, she had left. That means tonight is going to be a rage fest! As soon as she comes home, she will start screaming at me and demanding that I turn her texting back on. If I don't have a stroke or heart attack before she even gets here, it will be a miracle. My stress level is way up there at this point, in anticipation of the trouble that is sure to come.

When I called the doctor to let her know that Hannah refused to come, she was kind of mad at me. Ugh, just what I need. She wanted to know why I didn't come by myself. I explained that Hannah was really close to having a huge rage and, even though Shauna was locked in her room, I didn't want to go too far from home, in case Hannah got too out of control and tried to hurt Shauna or started to destroy the house or hurt herself. She reminded me that we were going to get billed, even if Hannah refuses to go. Another piece of news that I didn't really need. I would think that since psychologists sign up to treat mentally ill children, they would be used to them not showing up for appointments and not get mad at the mother for it. She must have forgotten that Hannah's secondary insurance is Medicaid and she isn't allowed to bill for missed appointments. At least that's what she told me the last time this happened. Anyway, the doctor also said that if Hannah does this one more time, she will drop her. Wonderful. Although I don't always love this doctor, she has made a ton of progress with Hannah and I would hate to have to start all over again. Hannah has only missed 4 appointments over the past 2 1/2 years and I went by myself to 2 of those, so the doctor still got paid. Since she has about 30 appointments a year, I don't think that is a bad record. Three of those appointments Hannah refused to go to and the other one was missed because I wrote the wrong date on my calendar. That time the doctor suggested that, "in order to assuage my guilt", maybe I would like to pay her, even though she wasn't allowed to bill me. Have I ever mentioned how much I love dealing with mental health professionals? Sometimes I wonder if they chose this profession just so they could get free treatment for their own issues!